What should I know about flashbacks or trauma responses during sex?
If you’ve experienced sexual assault, it’s common to have emotional or physical reactions during sex — even if it’s with someone you love and trust, and even if it’s been months or years since the assault.
These reactions can come out of nowhere and may include panic, freezing, dissociation, crying, sudden anger, feeling like you’re watching from outside your body, or even being completely numb. These are known as trauma responses, and they’re a completely normal part of how the brain and body process past harm.
What’s important to know is this:
You are not broken. You are not overreacting. You are not alone.
Your body is doing its best to protect you — even when you are, in fact, safe. When you experience a flashback, your nervous system is reacting as though the danger is happening again, even if your brain knows otherwise. This doesn’t mean you’re “stuck” or incapable of intimacy. It means your system is still healing.
Some common triggers during sex include:
Feeling physically pinned or restrained
Certain positions or sensations that mirror the assault
Loss of control, even consensual
Specific smells, touches, or phrases
Being caught off guard or moving too quickly
You don’t have to identify all your triggers right away — that will come with time and self-awareness. What matters most is that you listen to your body and honor its signals.
Here are a few steps that can help:
Talk to your partner if you feel safe doing so. You don’t have to share everything — just enough to set boundaries and communicate what helps you feel safe. For example:
“Sometimes I get overwhelmed during sex. If I pull away or ask to stop, it’s not about you — it’s just something I’m still working through.”
Create a plan for if a flashback happens, like having a grounding phrase or signal, turning on lights, pausing, or cuddling with clothes on.
Focus on healing, not perfection. Trauma takes time. Support from a trauma-informed therapist, support group, or healing community can make a huge difference.
You are allowed to reclaim your body, your pleasure, and your boundaries — at your own pace.
There’s no one timeline for healing from trauma. But with care, patience, and support, it is possible to experience sex in a way that feels connected, empowering, and safe again.
