Safer Sex for LGBTQ+ Folks
Why Safer Sex Matters
If you grew up queer, chances are your sex education didn’t cover much about people like you. Maybe you got a health class that talked only about straight, cisgender sex. Maybe you had no sex ed at all. Or maybe what you learned was so fear-based it left you with more questions than answers. The truth is, most LGBTQ+ folks have had to figure things out on their own. And that’s not fair.
On top of that, not all providers are trained in or comfortable with queer sexual health. So even when we go looking for answers, we can get half-explanations, judgmental looks, or information that doesn’t apply to us. That leaves too many of us in the dark about how to protect ourselves, how to protect our partners, and how to feel confident that we’re caring for our health.
That’s where safer sex comes in. Notice I didn’t say “safe sex.” No kind of sex with another person can ever be 100% risk-free. “Safer sex” is a more honest term, because it’s about reducing risks in ways that fit your body, your relationships, and your choices. It’s not about fear. It’s about trust. It’s about respect. And it’s about pleasure — because when you know you’re taking care of your health, it’s easier to relax, connect, and actually enjoy sex.
Conversations to Have With a Partner
It’s easy to think of “the talk” as something awkward or clinical. But safer sex conversations can actually be affirming. They show your partner you care, that you’re invested in their well-being as much as your own. And the truth is, talking openly before sex can often make the experience feel even more intimate.
Some things you might bring up:
When you were last tested, and what your test included. A lot of people don’t realize that a “full panel” might not automatically include throat or rectal swabs, so asking makes a difference.
What protection you feel comfortable using. Some people love condoms or dental dams, others find gloves make them feel safer and more relaxed. Lube preferences matter too — it’s part of pleasure, not just protection.
Whether pregnancy is a risk. If a partner is on hormones, it’s important to know that hormones don’t act as birth control. Pregnancy is still possible, and deciding what you both want around that risk is part of the conversation.
Your comfort zones. Which acts feel good? Which don’t? Are there words you’d rather use (or avoid) for your body? Do you have signals you’d like to use if something feels uncomfortable in the moment?
These aren’t one-and-done conversations. They can evolve over time, shift with partners, and even deepen relationships. Think of them as part of foreplay — a way to build trust and set the stage for connection.
Safer Sex Practices
Every kind of sex carries its own level of risk. That doesn’t mean you need to be afraid of certain acts. It just means you get to make choices with more information.
Anal and vaginal sex carry the highest risk of STIs and HIV. That’s why condoms — internal or external — plus lube are so important. Switching between orifices? Change condoms. Using toys? Same rule: fresh condom, fresh lube.
Oral sex is lower risk, but it’s not risk-free. Herpes, syphilis, HPV, and gonorrhea can all be transmitted this way. Using a condom on a penis or a flavored dental dam for oral on a vulva or anus adds protection — and can still feel good.
Rimming (oral-anal contact) is another act where people sometimes assume there’s no risk. HIV risk is extremely low, but hepatitis A and certain bacterial infections can pass this way. Washing up and considering a barrier (like a dental dam) can help if you or your partner haven’t had recent STI checks.
Fingering and hand play are generally very low risk, but if you’ve got small cuts or broken skin on your hands — or if your partner has internal tears — it’s possible to pass infections. Washing hands before play helps. Some people use gloves or finger cots for extra protection, especially during anal play.
Sex toys deserve a special mention. Toys can carry infections from one person to another if they aren’t cleaned properly. Using a condom on a toy, then switching it between partners or between body parts, makes a big difference. And washing toys thoroughly between uses is non-negotiable.
Understanding STIs
Anyone, no matter their identity, can get an STI. They don’t discriminate. Some are viral, some bacterial, and some parasitic. Knowing the basics helps you stay prepared without getting lost in myths.
Viral infections like HIV, herpes, HPV, and hepatitis A, B, and C don’t go away, but they can be treated and managed. Vaccines are available for HPV and for hepatitis A and B.
Bacterial infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and BV can usually be cured with antibiotics. The key is knowing you have them, which is why regular testing matters.
Parasitic infections like crabs (pubic lice) and trich are common and treatable, often with simple medications.
The thing to remember? Many STIs don’t cause obvious symptoms. You could feel fine and still test positive. That’s why testing isn’t about judgment — it’s about care. It’s how you make sure you and your partners stay informed and healthy.
Supplies That Keep You Safer
Safer sex gets a lot easier when you’ve got the right supplies.
External condoms — the kind rolled onto a penis — come in different sizes, materials, and textures. They prevent pregnancy and most STIs, and they work great on toys too.
Internal condoms — sometimes labeled as “female condoms” — are worn inside the vagina or front hole. They can be placed ahead of time and left in during foreplay, which some people really like.
Dental dams are thin sheets of latex used for oral sex on the vulva or anus. You can buy them, or you can make one by cutting open a condom.
Gloves (latex-free and powder-free) can make hand play more comfortable and safer, especially if there are cuts or long nails.
Lube comes in different types. Water-based lube is safe with all toys and condoms, but it can dry out faster. Silicone-based lube lasts longer and is amazing for anal or water play, but it doesn’t mix with silicone toys.
One more thing that doesn’t get said enough: storage matters. Condoms, dental dams, gloves, and lube should all be kept in a cool, dark place. Don’t stash them in your wallet, pocket, or loose in a bag, where heat and friction can wear them down and make them less effective.
For Trans and Nonbinary Folks
If you’re trans or nonbinary, safer sex may look different depending on your body, hormones, or any surgeries you’ve had.
Hormone therapy doesn’t replace birth control — pregnancy is still possible if a uterus is present. After gender-affirming surgery, it’s important to wait until you’re fully healed before engaging in penetrative or oral sex to avoid tears or infections.
And perhaps most importantly, safer sex is also about affirming your identity. You get to set boundaries around what kinds of touch, language, and acts feel good to you. Your comfort and affirmation are part of your health.
Making Safer Sex Part of Self-Advocacy
Caring for your sexual health isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom — it’s also about speaking up in medical settings.
Ask for the tests you need. Many providers won’t automatically check your throat or rectum for STIs, but if those sites are part of your sex life, they should be tested.
Ask about vaccines. HPV and hepatitis A and B vaccines can protect you from some of the most common and preventable infections.
Learn about HIV prevention. PrEP (a daily pill or long-acting shot) can reduce your HIV risk, and PEP (a short course of meds started within 72 hours) can prevent HIV after a possible exposure. Both are for everyone, not just cisgender gay men.
And if a provider dismisses your concerns, refuses to test in ways that reflect your sex life, or makes you feel judged? That’s a red flag. You deserve care that is competent and affirming.
