From Silence to Allyship: Why Men MUST Step Up for Reproductive Freedom
By Gerard Lapuente, Men4Choice Alumni
When I first applied to the Men4Choice Fellowship, I wasn’t sure how to use my voice. I knew reproductive freedom mattered, but I assumed it was mostly a woman’s issue. Like many men, I thought that being supportive could be done solely in private — staying quiet, nodding along in conversation — was enough. But over the course of the program, I learned that silence isn’t neutral — it reinforces harmful systems, even when your intentions are good.
My journey began earlier, in 2022, during my junior year at Miami Northwestern Senior High, an inner-city school where I witnessed firsthand the deep inequities that communities of color face. Coming out of quarantine, adjusting to the stress of school, and trying to make sense of a world filled with political and social turmoil, I began paying closer attention to social justice issues. Conversations with friends and teachers, combined with what I saw in the news, revealed how political decisions were shaping people’s lives — and how human rights such as reproductive rights were under attack. That’s when I connected with the PowerU Center for Social Change, which introduced me to advocacy and the importance of collective action. I learned that taking a side is better than standing on the sidelines, and that meaningful change is when people work together against systems of oppression that have persisted for generations.
The Men4Choice fellowship brought that lesson into focus. One of the first moments that really resonated with me was when Jamison Brown, a now Men4Choice alum and middle and high school classmate, reached out to ask me to speak about reproductive rights. At first, I was hesitant… could I really be of help? However, his insistence and encouragement pushed me to speak up, and that decision became a turning point in my understanding of allyship. In the workshops, I learned that silence isn’t neutral. In psychology, it is pluralistic ignorance (Prentice & Miller, 1996). This is when people stay quiet because they assume others are comfortable with the status quo. That was me — and by not speaking up, I was unintentionally reinforcing systems that restrict reproductive freedom.
What shifted me most was the power of storytelling. I listened to fellows share personal experiences of reproductive injustice, and it hit me: these issues aren’t abstract or distant — they affect real people, families, and communities. When I shared my own reflections, I saw how even one man’s voice could help shift the tone in the room, creating space for others to speak as well. Allyship, I realized, isn’t just about showing up; it’s about speaking up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Part of this journey also meant reflecting on the messages I had grown up with about masculinity. I was taught, like many boys, that a man’s value is tied to being the sole breadwinner and that women should be subservient. I’ve thrown these ideas away, understanding that reproductive freedom is about equality and autonomy. Women — and everyone with the capacity for pregnancy — deserve authority over their own bodies and life choices. Personally, I have more women as friends than men, so I constantly hear their frustrations with cis straight men who dismiss their needs or fail to take responsibility. These conversations reminded me that allyship isn’t theoretical — it’s about being attentive, present, and accountable in daily life.
Of course, this work isn’t always easy. I struggled with recruiting people for community conversations. Some friends were hesitant, distracted, or unsure why they should participate. It was frustrating, but behavioral science helped me understand the dynamics at play. The bystander effect shows that when people assume others will act, they often remain passive. System justification theory (Jost & van der Toorn, 2012) explains why some men defend the status quo — even when it harms others — because it feels safer than challenging entrenched systems. Recognizing these barriers helped me develop more creative outreach strategies and reminded me that allyship requires dedication.
Research also offers guidance on positive action. Consistent engagement, such as listening, amplifying marginalized voices, and speaking publicly, creates ripple effects that shift social norms (De Souza & Schmader, 2025). Nudging and behavioral economics (Tagliabue & Simon, 2018) suggest that breaking allyship into small, achievable steps makes participation easier and more likely to stick. These insights reinforced what I had learned in practice: every conversation, every invitation, every public expression of support matters.
Reflecting on friendships and relationships has also shaped my “why.” I’ve seen how women often navigate complicated social pressures just to have their voices heard. Many have told me how cis straight men fail to listen, dismiss concerns, or take credit for work that isn’t theirs. Hearing these stories regularly reminded me that reproductive freedom is a human issue, and men must act as allies not just in policy debates, but in our homes, schools, and social circles.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this fellowship, it’s that silence is never neutral. Behavioral science confirms it: norms, biases, and social dynamics shape what people feel empowered to do. But when men step up — speaking, listening, and acting — they can help shift culture and protect autonomy. Reproductive freedom isn’t just a woman’s issue. It’s a human issue, one that requires courage, commitment, and unity.
Men, the message is clear: speak up, act deliberately, and utilize your voice for change. Our participation isn’t optional — it’s essential. And when we step into allyship, we don’t just support the movement. We strengthen it.
If you are or know a young man looking to get off the sidelines and into the fight for reproductive freedom alongside a community of young men who are grounding their values through action, here are three ways you can step up:
Follow @Men4Choice on all platforms
Join our Instagram Broadcast Channel at @Men4Choice
Apply to the Spring 2026 Men4Choice Virtual Organizing Fellowship
Behavioral Science Principles
In this op-ed, I use several behavioral science principles to explain why reproductive freedom is a men’s issue and how allyship can help shift the culture. One key principle is pluralistic ignorance, which shows that people often stay silent because they assume others support harmful norms — even when most people actually disagree (Prentice & Miller, 1996). This silence makes injustice look more accepted than it really is. We also bring in system justification theory, which explains why people defend the status quo, even if it harms them or others (Jost & van der Toorn, 2012). At the same time, research on allyship actions highlights how men can disrupt these cycles by listening, amplifying women’s voices, and speaking up publicly, thereby shifting what others perceive as normal and possible (De Souza & Schmader, 2025). Finally, principles from nudging and behavioral economics remind us that even small changes in how messages are framed can make allyship more accessible and contagious (Tagliabue & Simon, 2018). Together, these insights show that our everyday behaviors drive social change.. Overall, men have the responsibility to use their behavior to advance reproductive justice.
References
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De Souza, L., & Schmader, T. (2025). When people do allyship: A typology of allyship action. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 29(1), 3–31. https://doi.org/10.1177/10888683241232732
Jost, J. T., & van der Toorn, J. (2012). System justification theory. In P. A. M. Van Lange, A. W. Kruglanski, & E. T. Higgins (Eds.), Handbook of theories of social psychology (pp. 313–343). Sage. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781446249222.n42
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Tagliabue, M., & Simon, C. (2018). Feeding the behavioral revolution: Contributions of behavior analysis to nudging and vice versa. Journal of Behavioral Economics for Policy, 2(1), 91–97.
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