Queer Family Planning

So You’re Talking About a Family —
Let’s Break It Down

Family expansion for queer couples with two uteruses, made simple.

Sex ed didn’t cover this. And here you are — with your person, dreaming about the future, maybe not ready to start just yet, but ready to learn about what it looks like.

So let’s do that.

Here’s what to think about if you're two people with uteri exploring the path to parenthood.

Step 1: Who’s Going to Carry — And When?

Start here. Do one (or both) of you want to carry? Not sure? That’s okay too.
Things to consider:

• Age (yours, your partner’s — this may shape timing or who goes first)

• Medical history (PCOS? Fibroids? Past surgeries? These can factor in)

• Emotional readiness and desire — some people just know they want to be pregnant, some don’t

If both of you want to carry at some point, you can decide who goes first and when. Some couples alternate pregnancies. Others may bank eggs early and delay pregnancy altogether. No wrong path — just what’s right for you.

Step 2: Choosing Your Route to Conception

Here are the most common options for queer couples where one or both partners can carry a pregnancy:

IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)
This is the most common clinical option. It places donor sperm directly into the uterus around ovulation.

• Can be done on a natural cycle or with meds like Clomid or Letrozole

• Can use a known donor or a sperm bank

• Good to track cycles for a few months beforehand to get your timing dialed in

  • Typical Cost: $800–$2,000 per cycle (depending on meds and monitoring)

    Pros:

    • Less invasive than IVF

    • Can use fresh or frozen sperm

    • Often covered by fertility benefits

    Considerations:

    • Success rate per cycle is around 15-30% per cycle (varies depending on age and multiple factors)

    • May require multiple cycles

IVI (Intravaginal Insemination)
Also known as home insemination — it’s lower cost, can be done in your own space, and involves placing sperm near the cervix using a syringe or special cup. if you’d like to learn more about IVI, click here.

• Best with fresh sperm (known donor) or some sperm banks will allow for frozen samples to be delivered to your home for self thaw and IVI.

• Timing is everything, so cycle tracking is key

• Less clinical, more intimate, but success rates may be lower than IUI

  • Typical Cost: $100–$800 per attempt (plus donor agreement/legal fees)

    Pros:

    • Affordable and private

    • Can be done without clinical intervention - think netflix and chill kind of night

    Considerations:

    • Lower success rate per cycle (~10–15% per cycle)

    • Legal agreements are essential to protect parental rights

IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)
After extensive medications, eggs are retrieved, fertilized in a lab, and embryos are transferred into the uterus. Two main options here:

• Traditional IVF: One of you provides the eggs and carries

• Reciprocal IVF (Co-IVF): One of you provides the eggs, the other carries. Both partners are biologically involved — one genetic, one gestational.

  • Typical Cost: $15,000–$30,000 per cycle (may vary with meds, storage, and clinic fees)

    Pros:

    • High success rates

    • Genetic/gestational involvement for both partners (in Co-IVF)

    Considerations:

    • Requires multiple procedures

    • Insurance coverage may be limited

    • Emotional and physical toll can be significant

Step 3: Considering Other Paths to Parenthood

Adoption & Foster Care

• Adoption can be domestic, international, open, or closed

• Foster care can be a path to permanent adoption or temporary parenting

• Be sure to work with LGBTQ+-friendly agencies or lawyers familiar with queer family structures

Surrogacy
For couples where neither partner can or wants to carry.

• Can use one partner’s egg + donor sperm, or both donor egg/sperm

• Gestational surrogacy: surrogate has no genetic link

• Traditional surrogacy: surrogate is also egg donor (less common, more legally complex)

Step 4: Don’t Forget the Legal Side

No matter which route you take, protect your family legally. Especially if:

• You’re using a known donor

• Only one partner is carrying

• You’re using reciprocal IVF, surrogacy, or adoption

Working with a reproductive attorney helps ensure both parents are legally recognized. This protects your parental rights — for birth certificates, schools, hospitals, emergencies, and more.

Step 5: Start Gathering Your Tools

You don’t need to have all the answers yet. But if you're having these conversations, here’s what can help:

• Start tracking your cycles (apps, OPKs, temping — pick what works)

• Schedule a fertility consult if you're curious about egg health or timing

• Research sperm banks or talk to potential known donors

• Consider therapy or counseling if you're navigating complex feelings or histories

The bottom line?
There are so many paths to parenthood — and yours gets to be beautifully, uniquely yours.
No two journeys look the same. The only right choice is the one that feels right for you.